The home waterbirth of Christian Gabriel, November 19th, 2010.
This labor was very similar in many ways to my last. It started the same with the early labor contractions all night, then a break before the real thing, and was exactly the same length. 4 hours active labor. Yet it was also different in many ways, especially emotionally. I'm still trying to grasp all the emotional changes that took place during this pregnancy and birth. It's been 40 weeks of personal growth for sure. An excercise in trust, in learning to follow my heart, to identify my needs and to honor that still small voice within; culminating in a change of care providers at 35 weeks gestation. This was a very weighty decision on my part. I decided to leave the longterm care of my primary midwife and instead seek out the midwife who delivered Isla, who had since branched out into her own practice. I felt like this new practice was a better fit for me in the midst of some changes going on with my current care providers. I knew that they could guarantee me my home delivery and the kind of watchful yet hands off care I felt I was needing for this birth. That decision turned out to be absolutely for the best, but it did add to the emotion of the process for me. Much of my pregnancy was spent with this under current of emotional unrest as I considered my birthing day, and I sought out the advice of some very wise women along the way who helped me to uncover what my body and my baby were trying to tell me. I knew the change needed to be made and when I switched care providers, I finally felt at peace about my birth. We had several weeks of wonderful home visits before my due date, and I was completely confident that I would have another great experience when our son decided to enter the world. I was very much looking forward to my birthing day!
This labor was very similar in many ways to my last. It started the same with the early labor contractions all night, then a break before the real thing, and was exactly the same length. 4 hours active labor. Yet it was also different in many ways, especially emotionally. I'm still trying to grasp all the emotional changes that took place during this pregnancy and birth. It's been 40 weeks of personal growth for sure. An excercise in trust, in learning to follow my heart, to identify my needs and to honor that still small voice within; culminating in a change of care providers at 35 weeks gestation. This was a very weighty decision on my part. I decided to leave the longterm care of my primary midwife and instead seek out the midwife who delivered Isla, who had since branched out into her own practice. I felt like this new practice was a better fit for me in the midst of some changes going on with my current care providers. I knew that they could guarantee me my home delivery and the kind of watchful yet hands off care I felt I was needing for this birth. That decision turned out to be absolutely for the best, but it did add to the emotion of the process for me. Much of my pregnancy was spent with this under current of emotional unrest as I considered my birthing day, and I sought out the advice of some very wise women along the way who helped me to uncover what my body and my baby were trying to tell me. I knew the change needed to be made and when I switched care providers, I finally felt at peace about my birth. We had several weeks of wonderful home visits before my due date, and I was completely confident that I would have another great experience when our son decided to enter the world. I was very much looking forward to my birthing day!
The Prelude
I had an exam two days before I was due, I was still 1.5 cm dilated and only like 30% effaced… things were soft but pretty much no progress. That is pretty typical for me. I was expecting to go a few days overdue. My mom's birthday was the 21st of November, and it was also a full moon, so I was thinking he might wait until then. So I was surprised when I started contracting Thursday evening, the 18th, around 10 PM.
I had contractions off and on through the night Thursday night, 5-7 minutes apart. I didn't sleep much at all, but they weren‘t anything that I could call labor. I tried to snooze between them but it was hard. I moved between my bed and the futon we had set up in the family room, next to the birthing tub. I had loose stools and several episodes of the shakes. I checked my cervix around 5 AM when I noticed some bloody show, I was about 3cm dilated and a lot more effaced, I guessed 75%. And I could feel baby's head, much lower than it had been. I knew then that it wouldn’t be much longer til labor, and it was my due date! I predicted I’d have the baby that night.
By morning I was really wishing they would just stop so I could get some sleep. I knew once I got good rest that I’d probably go into actual labor. I got up and made some breakfast, and once the girls woke up we had Jay's mom come get them so we could get some rest. The contractions spaced out again to like 15 minutes apart, and I laid down for a nap.
I got a few hours of sleep, then got up and had a shower and we went to Target for last minute supplies, and so I could walk and try to distract myself from the early labor. The contractions were still spaced far apart, but they were getting more intense. We went through the car wash and then came home, I had my midwife Peggy come check me around 4:00. I was now 4cm dilated and 85% effaced... contractions still around 10 minutes apart, not really regular. I figured like with Isla’s labor, it would start up once it got dark out. Peggy set up all her supplies for the birth, then went home to get some dinner and told us to call when we needed her.
I thought I wanted to watch a funny movie, so we put in Date Night, but I wasn‘t feeling it. I started to get really anxious and emotional so Jay turned the movie off. I needed to focus and figure out what was going on with me. I had a meltdown and cried hysterically for about a half hour ... I guess I need to clean house emotionally. I had a lot of tension that needed to go, and I needed to get my head into the right place for labor. I realized I was really afraid. Of what I’m not sure… afraid that it would be really hard, or really painful, or take a long time, it seemed like a really overwhelming prospect. Having my THIRD baby. I had such a great and easy labor last time, could I possibly be so lucky as to have another perfect birth and baby? Did I deserve to want another wonderful birth? Was I ready to have three kids? Labor is hard work! Lots of emotions. I decided I needed to start being thankful and embrace this labor, even though at this point I was thinking I really didn’t want to do it! This seems to be a theme with me, I always go through a really intense moment of “Let’s wait and do this later!" But once I accept the inevitable, things start to happen. I needed to get into a positive birthing mindset. I needed to remembery why I had to go through this process again... that I wanted a baby, my little boy who I prayed and longed for, and he was ready to meet me! I turned on some worship music and lit the candles and got quiet for a while. I told the baby it was ok, he could come out, and I was willing to birth him. No matter how much I was dreading the unknown, remembering the intensity of the process, I was willing to see what was in store. I held on to my husband and cried like a baby and he held me and I’m sure I blubbered like an idiot, he’s a champ for not laughing at me. Then I dried my tears and we went into the bedroom to look at the baby clothes while I started timing contractions.
The contractions started coming closer together about 5:30 PM, and I asked Jay to call my mom. I was ready for some company. She showed up right at 6 PM... I took some last minute belly pictures and then decided to get into the bathtub. I didn’t stay there long. The contractions were a good steady 4 minutes apart, lasting about a minute and a half. I called my midwife Peggy to come back. I think she got there around 7, I was a good 6cm dilated and progressing quickly. Labor was still very easy and manageable, and I was SO encouraged that I was making good quick progress.
Active Labor
Like Isla’s labor, I did not want to sit or lay down at all and I felt much better while walking. I walked and paced, swayed during contractions, walked and paced some more. I just relaxed into them, pictured my cervix opening easily and breathed through them slowly and deeply. I was still in good humor and making small talk between the waves.
Once I realized I was really in active labor, I asked Jay to fill the birth tub. Judging from my last labor, I figured once I got to 7cm, things would be fast from there. So we called his mom to bring the girls back. The apprentice midwife Breanne and the second midwife Jackie (who was there by my special request, she delivered Isla, along with Peggy) showed up not long after. Also there to see the birth was my Aunt Sarah and my 14 year old cousin Heidi.
Once I realized I was really in active labor, I asked Jay to fill the birth tub. Judging from my last labor, I figured once I got to 7cm, things would be fast from there. So we called his mom to bring the girls back. The apprentice midwife Breanne and the second midwife Jackie (who was there by my special request, she delivered Isla, along with Peggy) showed up not long after. Also there to see the birth was my Aunt Sarah and my 14 year old cousin Heidi.
Once the birth tub was full, I got into the water and really started into deep relaxation, leaning over the edge of the tub. The gravity and emotion of the moment just hit me… I was there in my own home, having a beautiful peaceful labor, about to birth my son gently into the water, I felt so blessed and it was intensely spiritual. I still had my worship music on, it was Hillsong United on shuffle, and it absolutely amazed me how each song that played came on at exactly the right time for the part of labor I was in. I heard the perfect words right at the moment I needed them on several different occaisions. I sang along and hummed with my eyes closed, and at one point I cried some more, but not from anything other than good loving emotion. I knew God was with me at every moment as I worked to bring my baby into the world. It was really sweet and I felt so safe and protected and able to be vulnerable. I was relaxing very thoroughly, with each contraction I would think to myself “I am perfectly designed to birth my baby. This pressure is not painful, it’s just me opening for my son to come out." And a warmth and peace would just envelop me as I relaxed into it. It was very enjoyable and I lapsed into labor land for a while.
After some time in the tub, I was expecting transition would happen at any time, but instead the contractions started to space way out again. I started really weighing having my water broken. On one hand, I wanted no interventions at all. Period. On the other hand, I knew that with my water intact, it could prolong my labor quite a bit (judging from my last two labors, one with intact water and one with it broken). So I was trying to weigh the pros and cons. Pro- get the labor over a lot faster but risk a big increase in intensity. Con- have a milder (pretty much painless) labor but a prolonged transitional stage with the intact water holding his head up. I decided to get out of the tub and walk some more, take a shower to utilize gravity, and see if I progressed into transition or at least made good progress with the water intact. At this point as he started to get lower, I could feel what I assume was his shoulder stuck right above my pubic bone on the left… it was a very sharp sharp pain at the peak of contractions that did not disappear between them. It was just there. Getting more and more like a hot knife. The contractions were much harder to relax through with that kind of a sharpness distracting me. I thought walking might help to shift him. I got in the shower and labored through a few contractions doing lunges, one leg up, then the other. Still there. I circled my hips like a hula dancer, I rocked in the chair on my knees… I was starting to feel desperate to move it, ready to be done. After about an hour, I got back into the birth tub and asked to be checked. I had thinned out a bit more, but had made little progress in dilation. I was still between 7 and 8cm dilated. Once I realized that the shoulder pain wasn't going away until the baby came out, and was going to have to get worse before it got better, I decided not to prolong the inevitable. I tried a few position changes in the tub and then asked to have my water broken. I just wanted it over with.
Transition
Once my waters released, I moved back to my hands and knees, leaning over the edge of the tub, and true to form, the next contraction was definitely more intense. I started to need to vocalize some of the pressure. Transition was at hand. I was a lot more emotional with this labor, it was definitely my hardest transition so far from an emotional standpoint. I was suddenly very adamant that I did NOT want to do this anymore. Not that I couldn't, but that I was no longer willing. Period. I didn't want to have a baby. I felt so whiny and helpless and desperate for it to stop, and I cried a bit. I guess it was just a crying-ish sort of labor! I knew this was almost over, but I was really fighting it mentally. My mom was right there encouraging me and talking me through it, I remember saying “Is it bad that I don’t want to have my own baby?“ They reassured me that whatever I was feeling was ok. It was just an emotion, it would pass. Peggy gave me a homeopathic remedy of some kind to help calm me, and said a beautiful little prayer that I would have peace and strength and birth my son quickly.
With the next contraction, I just had to surrender and do whatever my body felt, no more being in control. I had to get his shoulders through my pelvis despite that sharp pain. And I could clearly feel his little hands clawing at my cervix, right at the peaks of contractions, it was overwhelming and I wished he would move them. One contraction I squatted down, one I raised up on my knees, at one point I threw a desperate little tantrum, laid out flat on my belly holding the edge of the tub and kicked my legs like a frog and threw my hips from side to side saying OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN!!! I was so thankful for the support of the water, and the ability to really move my body easily. I can’t imagine how difficult it would have been to get through those few hard contractions without being able to really move, and quickly! The bouyancy of the water was invaluable. And then I started to feel a little pushy. Right at the end of the contraction. I tried holding my breath and pushing with it just a bit, as I couldn’t help it, and it felt really nice to just bear down. I put my hand down to feel for his head and realized I still had like a centimeter of cervix left in the front. But I still needed to push. I had my hand right there feeling his wrinkly head, so with the next contraction I got up on one knee and used my finger to massage the edge of cervix away. I wanted him OUT! As I massaged it, it disappeared and his head began to crown.
Transition
Once my waters released, I moved back to my hands and knees, leaning over the edge of the tub, and true to form, the next contraction was definitely more intense. I started to need to vocalize some of the pressure. Transition was at hand. I was a lot more emotional with this labor, it was definitely my hardest transition so far from an emotional standpoint. I was suddenly very adamant that I did NOT want to do this anymore. Not that I couldn't, but that I was no longer willing. Period. I didn't want to have a baby. I felt so whiny and helpless and desperate for it to stop, and I cried a bit. I guess it was just a crying-ish sort of labor! I knew this was almost over, but I was really fighting it mentally. My mom was right there encouraging me and talking me through it, I remember saying “Is it bad that I don’t want to have my own baby?“ They reassured me that whatever I was feeling was ok. It was just an emotion, it would pass. Peggy gave me a homeopathic remedy of some kind to help calm me, and said a beautiful little prayer that I would have peace and strength and birth my son quickly.
With the next contraction, I just had to surrender and do whatever my body felt, no more being in control. I had to get his shoulders through my pelvis despite that sharp pain. And I could clearly feel his little hands clawing at my cervix, right at the peaks of contractions, it was overwhelming and I wished he would move them. One contraction I squatted down, one I raised up on my knees, at one point I threw a desperate little tantrum, laid out flat on my belly holding the edge of the tub and kicked my legs like a frog and threw my hips from side to side saying OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN!!! I was so thankful for the support of the water, and the ability to really move my body easily. I can’t imagine how difficult it would have been to get through those few hard contractions without being able to really move, and quickly! The bouyancy of the water was invaluable. And then I started to feel a little pushy. Right at the end of the contraction. I tried holding my breath and pushing with it just a bit, as I couldn’t help it, and it felt really nice to just bear down. I put my hand down to feel for his head and realized I still had like a centimeter of cervix left in the front. But I still needed to push. I had my hand right there feeling his wrinkly head, so with the next contraction I got up on one knee and used my finger to massage the edge of cervix away. I wanted him OUT! As I massaged it, it disappeared and his head began to crown.
Birth
As his head becan to come I realized nobody had informed the people upstairs. I looked at my mom and said through the incredible urge to push, "You might.... want.... to get.... them!"
As his head becan to come I realized nobody had informed the people upstairs. I looked at my mom and said through the incredible urge to push, "You might.... want.... to get.... them!"
And someone ran to get the in-laws and Addie and Isla and Heidi from upstairs. As they came down the stairs his head was born, I was panting to keep from pushing too hard because it was coming fast and I wanted to give myself time to stretch. Then his head was out all the way, and I could clearly feel as his shoulder turned. Then I had to really PUSH that top shoulder through there, the one that was hurting me. He has broad little shoulders! It was only like two contractions, if that, of actual pushing... and he was born right into my hands! I lifted him out of the water at 10:01 PM. Nobody else touched him at all except Breanne, to feel for a cord quick after his head was out. There are just no words to express the instant euphoria! So much relief, passion, ecstasy, joy… giving birth is absolutely incredible! He wasn’t that eager to cry, he was breathing fine but was not too angry at the world, so it took a little back patting to clear his lungs all the way, but he had great color and just snuggled up on my chest. My little buddy! My girls and the rest of the family peered over the edge of the tub to meet him, they were totally in awe!
"Baby tummy, coming OUT!" said my two year old excitedly.
"I really like that baby brother!" grinned my four year old. I feel so blessed to have been able to share that moment with them. They were so pleased!
His placenta followed pretty quickly and my water got bloody so I got out of the water sooner than I did with the girls. His placenta was fairly small and heart shaped, and some of the amnion was grown up the cord, which was odd. We got the cord clamped and cut and handed Christian to daddy as I got out of the tub and tucked in, and then he came back to me to snuggle under the blankets and have nummies. He latched on right away and is a great nurser, he's a strong little guy with a good suck and he's pretty much been on my boob ever since!
He was so alert and bright eyed, checking everything out, he was awake and nursing and looking around for a good three hours before he fell asleep the first time. He got his newborn exam after an hour or so and was 8lb. 3oz. (same size as Addison) and 20 1/2 inches long. 13 1/2 inch head, 14 inch chest.
He is very happy and content, likes to be swaddled and snuggled, and tries to suck on anything he can reach. Hands, blanket, arm, whatever. I knew from the pregnancy that he likes his hands in his face, I won’t be surprised if he’s a thumb sucker.
His placenta followed pretty quickly and my water got bloody so I got out of the water sooner than I did with the girls. His placenta was fairly small and heart shaped, and some of the amnion was grown up the cord, which was odd. We got the cord clamped and cut and handed Christian to daddy as I got out of the tub and tucked in, and then he came back to me to snuggle under the blankets and have nummies. He latched on right away and is a great nurser, he's a strong little guy with a good suck and he's pretty much been on my boob ever since!
He was so alert and bright eyed, checking everything out, he was awake and nursing and looking around for a good three hours before he fell asleep the first time. He got his newborn exam after an hour or so and was 8lb. 3oz. (same size as Addison) and 20 1/2 inches long. 13 1/2 inch head, 14 inch chest.
He is very happy and content, likes to be swaddled and snuggled, and tries to suck on anything he can reach. Hands, blanket, arm, whatever. I knew from the pregnancy that he likes his hands in his face, I won’t be surprised if he’s a thumb sucker.
Overall it was such a great birth! I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Transition was little more intense than I hoped for at the end, but hey, what can you do? I did what needed to be done and he came out without much trouble, so I feel very blessed. All the people I love were there with me, I had the midwives I wanted, I was calm and peaceful and in control yet free to be vulnerable and to feel my emotions, everyone was wonderful support and it was such a great experience!
I'm now four days post partum and feeling wonderful! I had no tearing at all despite the shoulder, and my recovery has been a breeze. I was really pleased to find that my bottom feels as though I never had a baby at all! I got up to go pee about two hours after he was born and I was like,
"Hey, this feels normal." It felt just like it did that morning. It's been really nice!
We’ve spent the last four days just hanging out at home, having visitors, my mom has been wonderful and has come to cook and clean and take care of the house each day so I can just enjoy my snuggly boy. My husband Jay has been amazing taking care of the girls for me and I feel very lucky to be able to relax and just enjoy this time. Christian is doing well, had a little bit of gassiness the second and third day but is a much happier camper now that my milk is all the way in and he can munch to his hearts content. The girls are doing great, adjusting really well to the new baby and seem to love him very much. They both want to hold him a lot and are busy fetching all his little supplies for me. We are so happy he’s here and so thankful for another wonderful birth experience! I could not ask for more.
We’ve spent the last four days just hanging out at home, having visitors, my mom has been wonderful and has come to cook and clean and take care of the house each day so I can just enjoy my snuggly boy. My husband Jay has been amazing taking care of the girls for me and I feel very lucky to be able to relax and just enjoy this time. Christian is doing well, had a little bit of gassiness the second and third day but is a much happier camper now that my milk is all the way in and he can munch to his hearts content. The girls are doing great, adjusting really well to the new baby and seem to love him very much. They both want to hold him a lot and are busy fetching all his little supplies for me. We are so happy he’s here and so thankful for another wonderful birth experience! I could not ask for more.
